6 times a bridesmaid...

What a walk down memory lane. It was kind of fun to first of all search all those old photo albums (remember photo albums - we used to actually print photos, put them in books and then look at them??) Lots of memories tied up in these photos! Happy to say that all of these couples are still together in a day and age where that isn't' necessarily the case. I know that they all love me and so, if i get some dates wrong they will forgive this old brain of mine.

We start our fashion show in the early 90's. 1990 to be exact. This happy couple is my sister Sheri and hubby Larry. May of 1990 - they just celebrated their 20th anniversary with a cruise. You will find me, with my wonderful hairstyle, standing beside the groom. Note the POOFY sleeves - very stylish in the day - and the white nylons and shoes.

The very next year - May 1991 was my cousin Lyndon and his bride Kerrie's turn. Floral was really in! This is the one bridesmaid dress i actually wore quite a bit after the wedding.

August 1992 was Tim and Deb's turn - although I see I don't have a pic of Tim. He was there, I promise. This time it was pretty in pink. The bride designed these dresses herself along with her own gown. I was living in SK at the time and my dress was made in less than a week!

Dress #4 comes courtesy of Chris and Lorie. I actually had long hair then and so had a funky, twisty updo. This one is August 1999. Got to wear this one twice as we also attended a reception in Calgary - home town to Chris and the place they now reside.

Number 5 is cousin Wendy and beau Mika. I actually had a hand in setting these two up :) Good times. This one is August 2002.

And last but not least #6 is my brother Brad and bride Val. This on was October 2003. This one was a skirt and top and we all got to choose our own style. Very kind of the bride :)

Stay tuned for dress #7. I am working on getting better tan lines - the pressure of a strapless dress at the end of the summer is huge!!!! This will be my first 'beach' wedding and it will be a blast.

one year ago...

Hard to believe its been a year since the bankruptcy. I was at work when i got a flurry of emails. I thought maybe it was a rumour or who knew what. Then i got a phone call. I was in shock. I was numb. All i could think of was that we would never be parents, our money was gone. I came home and woke up Mike who was still working nights at that point. He called our AP - i was too shaky. She didn't know anything. He called our lawyer to see what we could do. Our lawyer happens to be a partner with Ted G and so he was able to confirm that what we heard was true. How could the sky be blue and the sun be shining when our world was falling apart. Here is what i wrote:

yesterday our world fell apart. Our dreams and our hearts have been crushed. we are numb. We found out that our agency - Imagine Adoption has gone bankrupt. This pretty much means the end of our adoption. We choose this agency and this route because we felt it was our best chance of having a family - ever. The thought of getting into another line some where else is just so insane right now. Some say there may be hope for our file and another agency picking us up as clients but i doubt they will do it for free and we are at our limit. we are grieving the loss of our child and the hope that we once had.We are thankful for our friends and families. for the calls and emails and facebooks and cookies. we haven't responded much - we will in time. we just need time to process. if you want to know details - check out the imagine website - globe and mail - CTV - any news site - its everywhere. We are also thankful for your prayers - cause right now we don't have the words to say so we are counting on you to lift us up. we know we are not the only ones - there are so many just like us. we have all suffered so much already and this just seems to be so surreal.

Friends and family came over and offered support and prayers. I felt so lost. In the months to come we realized that the agency could be saved. I had no idea. And here we are, one year later - with referrals happening and kids home from the new agency.

Lately I have been about as low as the time of the bankruptcy. This experience has changed me. I am not as trusting as i used to be. I don't get quite as excited about referrals - ours just seems so far away. But just yesterday i was reminded that what i have been through is nothing compared to wondering where your next meal will come from or the knowledge that you can not afford to raise your own child. Its been a time to refocus. Yes, i have been hurt by this whole ordeal but my 'suffering/pain' is nothing compared to what our child or our child's birth mom has/will go through. So, maybe i have learned some perspective.

Some of the people affected by the bankruptcy now have their children home. Congrats to you. May you savor each moment with your new families. Some are still in the process like us - keep on keeping on. I do believe. Some had to drop out of the program and have taken different steps to grow their family. Some had to drop out of the program and their dream of family has been ended. I am so sorry, I have no words but i know your pain.

This is not an anniversary I want to keep or to 'celebrate'. But it is good to look back and see where we have come from in the past year and to be thankful for that. I do believe in miracles.

Happy Father's Day

To Mike: You are going to be the best dad! In my mind I can see you with our children. I can see you teaching them, playing with them, caring for them and it makes me smile. I am know how well you look after me and i know you will do the same for our kids some day. Happy Father's Day.

To the 'other' Men in my life :) My dad - when i was finding someone to spend my life with, all i had to do was to look to you and mom and try to find what you have. You have always been there for me - no matter what kind of crazy thing i was up to. You have supported me in everything and taught me so much. And, we have a lot of fun!! You have the Cober cheating gene - we are always watching - don't worry. To my Father in Law - i don't feel like i have had enough time getting to know you before you left for Africa. I want to thank you for welcoming me into the family and accepting me for who i am. I also want to thank you for raising this man to be who he is. That doesn't happen by accident.

I also have a whole bunch of uncles and cousins - and even a 'time-share-Dad' - men who have influenced my life and been part of my 'circle'. It sure does take a village! I am glad that you will be part of our children's lives as well.

So, Happy Father's Day to all the men out there. May you all know how much you are appreciated and loved.

the latest and some 'after pics'

no, i haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Just about but not quite. Its quite possible that no one is reading this anyway...but here i am back again.

Actually -that was half my problem - the old sciatic reared its ugly head again. ugh. i am feeling much better - but this time its been about 3 weeks of crap and limping along. I am still a bit sore but am feeling so much better.

It's June - well and almost July. We just passed our 20 month mark. 20 months of waiting...what to say???! We have had many family events lately - and i always have lots of questions about when this baby will be showing up. You know, ever since we started my answer has been - 'about another year or so'. This has been my answer and I don't see it changing any time soon.

So, what else have we been up to? Prior to the back going out -there was lots of gardening and some work on our famous 'reno of 2008'. This could have something to do with the back...but you gotta live your life! The long weekend in May we got down to work and FINISHED the baby room and the hall!!!! Can you believe it??! What a relief/accomplishment!!!!! It looks really great. My hubby gets all the props here - i just did a bit of painting and changing my mind -'i want it here - no, over here, no - back to the first place' :)

So, here are some pics to show you the finished project. Now, we still have one bedroom to complete - but we aren't talking about that right now :) I also have MANY ideas for the next 4 or so projects. I would really like to get 3 of these done before baby comes - and the way things are going that probably won't be a problem.

So, here are some "before's" to refresh your memory. We didn't have a digital camera when we moved in, so don't have many shots of these spaces and really, those are memories best forgotten!!

Here is baby's room in its purple glory.

Imagine crusty matching purple carpet, no insulation and questionable wiring.

Same room - striped down to the studs and new drywall going up!

Our hall.
Bigger than my first apartment!

Features 6 doors plus a closet!

Picture ucky, icky painted over panelling and about a

gazillion years of grimy dirt that stuck to the flat paint - ugh.

Tada!!!

The baby's room

Furniture placement still pending. We will decorate once we find out who will be living here. Probably some pink for a girl (surprise) or some denim and blues for a boy.

A brand new room, complete with new windows, wiring, insulation, closets with organizers and new paint on the floor.

"The" Hall!!!

Complete with the first pair of curtains in the whole house, new light fixtures, linen closet and straight walls. Flooring to come...

Wow - what a change! It feels so good to see some progress being made on our house. I will be so happy when each room has a new look! This of coarse will take many more years - but i knew that when we moved in. We have a 30 year plan!!

Fair Trade Day

In all my business I totally missed Fair Trade Day. It was May 8th. Well, better late than never.
I work at Ten Thousand Villages. I have worked there for almost 10 years now. I love the mission of Fair Trade and the relationships we have made with folks all over the world. From the web site: Often referred to as 'Fair Trade,' our philosophy of helping to build a sustainable future is based on the principle that trade should have a conscience. Through Fair Trade artisans receive the respect, dignity and hope that comes from working hard and earning fair value for their work. Check out Villages at - www.tenthousandvillages.ca

Unfortunately we don't sell any crafts from Ethiopia. We do however sell Coffee from Ethiopia. It is produced by a Fair Trade company called Level Ground Trading. Their website is www.levelground.com. You can buy their coffee in our stores or online. Its great stuff.

I have found another Canadian Fair Trade website that does offer products from Ethiopia. They are called Nationwares and have some beautiful silk scarves and some other jewellery. Give them a look at: http://www.nationwares.com/hello.html

All three of these sites give all the info on Fair Trade that you could ever need - much better than I can. The coffee and chocolate we sell is AMAZING. I am so sold on the 'Divine' Chocolate - it has me so addicted :) We also have some pretty great jewellery - take a look. And kids books - "My Granny Went to Market" is highly recommended as well as lots of different Putumayo titles. Next time you are shopping for that perfect little something for your home, or someones birthday, or that gift for a teacher - or some great coffee beans - try Fair Trade.

Busy..

I know i had vowed to blog more often but man has it been busy lately!! I don't like it when we are out every night of the week and then all weekend - and that seemed to be our life for the last 3 weeks. It was all good stuff - but for me (little old home body) it took its toll! I had a beautiful sleep in yesterday and now i am feeling more myself again.


In the mean time, i missed our 1 year and 7th month waiting for our referral. I feel like its getting close. It could actually be this year...you never know. It is starting to feel good again, which is good.


Also, Congrats to cyber friends Alysia and Derrick on the birth of their beautiful son Levi. Their blog is at the right there. What a ride they have been on in the past year. What a great example of relying on God through heartbreak and in utter joy. That baby is the cutest ever!!! So happy for you!!!

So, what has kept you so busy you might ask?

It seems that April and May were 'babysitting weekends' for Uncle Mike and Auntie Brenda. The first weekend saw an overnight visit from Kyle and AJ. Kyle and Uncle Mike had the pleasure of attending Canada's Wonderland with the youth group for the day on the Saturday. I think Mike is learning his limits when it comes to roller coasters. As for AJ and I - well we spent a great day together. AJ is going to be 2 in August - but he still likes to be rocked to sleep and takes a few bottles, so we had some significant snuggle time. However, except for those special times the boy does not stop. Seriously, he is BUSY. Man, i knew we would have fun - but can you just slow down? I did baby proof our house - but we have 2 staircases going up and not enough baby gates could keep this one down. By 8:30 in the morning i knew we would have a long day :) I had actually planned to do a little photo diary of our day together and post it - but for one, who had time to find the camera and 2 all you would get is a blur of AJ as he runs past :) So, we went for a long walk, followed by a long nap (he plays hard but sleeps hard and long too), then went to my brother's farm to see the cows, visited my mom's and eventually i wore him down.

AJ is super good. I may have dragged him away from the stairs about a million times and told him not to touch Auntie Brenda's pretty star a few thousand times - but he just would turn and find some other mischief to get into. No tantrums, no hissy fits - just good natured trouble on 2 wheels :)

Our next two weekends we 'babysat' my niece and nephew. They are 15 and 17 and so supervision would be more appropriate. My sister and hubby went off to celebrate their 20th anniversary on a sweet cruise. The first weekend we went to their house (hour and a half away). They have a life you know...So Mike and i hung out at their place - played wii and watched some movies. During the week they were on their own and then the second weekend they came to our house - once again, more fun shopping, watching movies and the like. Dayna even helped me clean out my closet. If you have trouble getting rid of stuff just get a 15 year old fashionista to help. I got rid of 5 garbage bags of clothes. The first rule was, anything older than Dayna was gone without question - and there were a few things!! :) Don't know why i hold on to that old stuff - i was told that even if i could wear it - i shouldn't so, bye bye!!!! Feels good to be rid of that 'baggage' and now there is room to do some more shopping :)

This weekend we have had a child free home. Its been quite and a bit more tidy. A nice break but we miss them too. Friday night I went out with some girlfriends to celebrate a friend's birthday. I haven't laughed so much in such a long time!!! We also celebrated the engagement of my best friend. I have not smiled so big as when i saw that beautiful ring and heard the story of their engagement. Oh so happy for them!!!! Gonna be a bridesmaid for the 7th time and can't wait. Its a beautiful love story, let me tell you. My girlfriend is a blessed woman to have been wooed by such a man. And he is blessed to be in love with such a wonderful person who will be a wonderful mother to his 4 girls. It really is story-book kind of stuff and does my heart good to see such a happy time for all. By the way, I have decided to give you all a fashion show of my wardrobe of bridesmaid dresses. It sure is something - we've got floral, we've got pink satin, we've got satin died shoes, I think we've got it all!!! I am so happy for these 2 that i would wear a paper bag if that is what she wanted.

And to top off a great weekend, my wonderful hubby gave me a nice surprise. He let me sleep in on Saturday = beautiful bliss!!! Then when i got up i couldn't find him. We live in an old house and so its not unusual that we can't find each other and so i sat around, waking up and waited for him to find me. But an hour passed and still no Mike. Here, he was outside digging up my flower beds for me. What a guy!!!! Now, all i need to do is the shopping :) and planting. What a great surprise for me!

So, its been a bit busy! Things are starting to slow down on our calender - even have a few extra days off coming up. The plan is to get working on that reno we started in 2008 - remember that one?! The one where we were getting a room ready for the baby?! Hopefully i will have some 'finished' photos next week at this time!!!

Of coarse never far from my thoughts is our sweet baby to be. Looking after AJ was a bit like playing house. It was nice to know that at the end of the day i did just fine and managed on my own with him with no issues :) Rocking him in the baby's room brought me lots of pondering of times to come. Even though we don't know our baby, he is never far from my thoughts. I imagine what it would be like in each circumstance to be bringing our baby here or there or how they would like this experience or that thing we are doing. Or how we will be doing things much differently when we have baby home. One year and 7 months is a long time to wait for our baby - but we can't wait to see your face little one, and so we wait with anticipation!!

Tugging at a Dad's heart (or dad to be)

Brenda and I listen to country music. (You'll guess by now that it's Mike's turn to blog again). There are very few times that I get... um... well... emotional, so it took me by surprise when I heard a song on the radio the other day. If you listen to any Canadian country station, you'e probably heard a song called I've haven't even heard you cry by Aaron Lines. Here are the lyrics from the chorus:

And I haven't even heard you cry

I haven't even looked into your eyes

I haven't held you one time but you've changed my life

And I don't even know your name

But I know I'll never be the same

Oh I can't wait to show you you can fly

And I haven't even heard you cry

So, as you can see, these lines really got me thinking about our precious baby somewhere in Ethiopia. I still get choked up when I hear this song on the radio, and I do my best to keep it together (no one wants to see a mechanic crying when he's trying to fix a piece of farm machinery!). Someday I'll be able to tell our son or daughter this story, and laugh about how many times I thought of them even before I knew thier name.