Strength for today...

I have decided to get back to blogging. I have been fairly silent lately. The sun is shining, more referrals have been announced last week and we have a day off on Friday!!! These are good things!

Last night was also a good night for me. I met 5 other mom's who are in various stages of adoption from Ethiopia. The blogging community is great for support - but to actually meet with people in person and talk about life is great! So, here is a shout out to my new pals!!!! Looking forward to seeing you all again and one day meeting your kids!!!

Now for a topic switch - i love music - all sorts of music. Today, out of the blue an old time hymn popped into my head. The whole song is really great. At times in my life I haven't been able to sing the whole thing. I haven't always 'felt' it but that doesn't mean it's not true. Today the line "strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow" played in my head over and over and over. I have been wanting strength for the rest of this journey - and all i really need is strength for today. The whole journey wears me down, the bumps in the road wear me down - all i need is strength for today. I have been learning lately to take smaller bites - don't try to do everything at once - one day at a time. God is faithful and will provide the 'strength for today and the bright hope for tomorrow'.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;

As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

step back

What a crazy ride its been lately! I won't say that i am all good now with everything that has been going on - but i will say that I am learning to roll with the punches. The whole travel thing - well, financially it really sucks and emotionally it will be hard but i can live with it. The hold on adoptions is a bit more tough. There have actually been 3 referrals announced this week, so we are not sure if things are rolling again or if these were exceptions. Either way we are pleased that our number is decreasing. At work i have made up a number count down device - just a pad of paper with numbers on it - nothing too brilliant- but each time i hear about a referral i get to rip that page off - and it feels pretty good. To make it even more exciting i shred the old number :) It's actually quite therapeutic!!!
Anyhoo - that's about all that's new with me. I have stepped 'away from the edge' - mostly anyway. I think its safe to say that those of us who made it through the bankruptcy this summer still have pretty tender hearts. For me, I am doing the best that I can and trusting in God's plan for this family.

more

First off - let me say that today its been 2 years and one day since we started this adoption. Wow - last year while we were blissfully eating our wat and injera we had no clue that we would still be waiting and waiting and waiting a year later. And today i really don't see that wait getting any shorter or easier.
We have hit a new bump in the road. I already mentioned that referrals have slowed down to a stand still and today we hear something new. We will now have to travel twice to Ethiopia. Once at the time of court date to appear before the judge. Then we will get to see our precious baby, hold him/her in our arms and then get on a plane and come home to wait another 4 months or so till the rest of the paperwork is complete. Then we get to fly back.
Now, I completely understand the reasoning on both of these road blocks. They truly both have the best interests of the child in mind. But today i wonder how much more i can take. The thoughts of meeting my baby and then leaving it are beyond words. I can only imagine its hard enough to see the photos but to hold him and then let go.
Financially we will be stretched to afford 2 visits. Fortunately due to the generosity of our friends and families our trust fund will probably cover almost all of it. I am sure there are others who will have a very difficult time coming up with the extra $$.
I keep reminding myself that we are extremely confidant that this is God's plan for us. This child is God's plan for us and we are His plan for our child. This is the only thing that keeps me sane.

discouraged

The past few months i have tried very hard to keep a positive attitude. We are so happy that our adoption will still happen...but why the extra bumps along the road??? I know that they are to be expected with adoption - i should be used to this. But right now i feel like enough is enough!!! We found out last week (without going into details - too tired for details) that more referrals aren't likely any time soon. It is most likely a temporary thing - and in reality it protects the best interests of the children which we all know is the most important thing. But what could it hurt for the rest of this process to go ahead smoothly??? Just when i start feeling really good and optimistic than boom/bam/smash and it feels like we are back at square one. Sorry everyone - just feeling kind of crappy about this whole thing. The sun is shinning and it feels like spring and I feel like crap.
Anyhoo - we did have a nice weekend away, just hubby and me. It was a last minute, spontaneous decision and boy did i need it. Retail therapy always works wonders - and who doesn't like a spiffy looking mommy in waiting? Mike did allow me to by two baby things - a very-cute-gender-neutral-soft-baby-doll. So cute and cuddly. and a really great book that he found.
So, thats my grumble for today - please bring on the good news. Everyone chant with me now - GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS.

February??

Hi all!!! I am back!
I have wondered what happened to February?? So hard to believe that the month is almost over.

The surgery went well. Gall bladder and little buddy are now a thing of the past. My first surgical experience went fairly well. Some of the highlights - getting 'stuck' 7 times before a successful IV got started, having the power go off in the hospital (actually i didn't even notice, the generator kicked in right away - but we did have to wait an extra 1 1/2 hours till it came back on to start the surgery and there was the threat of having to cancel the surgery - i said no way - i just got the crazy IV started!!!!!), having some nice nurses and one not nice Dr., good drugs :) and then an hour or so later getting sent home. Can i just say - is it illegal to have gowns that tie up in the back?????? I mentioned to the nurse that mine didn't have any ties - and he said - honey none of them do - WHY NOT???!!!!! just saying

It was all good and i have recovered well. I am back at work this week for a few 1/2 days - still some tenderness and sitting for long periods isn't that great. Mike was a good nurse per usual and i also got baby sat by my mom and sister and niece. I was a handful!!! :) I enjoyed the Olympic viewing and also read a few good books.

While i was down and out we celebrated another month of waiting - 16 to be exact. Wow. I would have never guessed that in February 2010 we would still be waiting for a referral when we started this whole thing - but here we are. We are also coming up on our 2 year anniversary of starting the adoption. Lots can happen in 2 years!!

So, that's it for me. Should head back to my couch and rest a bit. Thanks for all your notes while i was away. Also, its great to hear of so many successful court dates!!! Congrats to all new parents!!! That is so amazing - looking forward to seeing these first 'Imagine' kids coming home. Also looking forward to hearing good news from CAFAC friends soon too.

Little Buddy

Brenda is still recovering from her surgery, so that leaves to blogging to me (Mike, for those of you who don't know, I haven't posted in quite a while). Brenda's "little buddy" as we have called it, was taken out on Monday. She apparently told the OR staff that she was there to have a baby! It may have been the anesthetic talking, but she says she was aware of what she was saying. She is doing well by the way, and thank you to all of her cyber friends for your encouraging words of healing. Her mom has been here through the day with her, but Brenda is going to try tomorrow by herself. I have a day job now, so she is not alone at night anymore! I am still getting used to sleeping at night however, I like to sit and close my eyes at lunchtime but I nearly fell off my chair the other day when I dozed off! I'm told that everyone gets tired in the afternoon, so I'll take that as normal for now. I'm sure that Brenda will be posting again soon, so until then, happy blogging.

happy

In a job as a volunteer co-ordinator, I worked with some men with developmental delays. There was one guy named Gary. He would spontaneously say "I'm happy today. Yep, today and tomorrow". Well to take a page from Gary's book - i am happy today - for a number of reasons.
1. We are now #56!!!!! We started out at 62 and are now down to 56. Hard to believe in such a short while. I am actually enjoying the 50's. It's exciting, without all the pressure. I have a feeling once we get down to the 20's i will be a basket case, so I am going to enjoy the 50's.
2. Mike got a new job! He started out on Monday. Its a straight day job - instead of the straight nights he has done for the past 3 something years. I am so happy for him - its a great fit for him and i really think he will love it. yippee honey - congrats!!
3. My best friend is dating a really great guy. She is super great and deserves to be so happy and so she is and I am so happy for her/them. yippeee
4. We got a new bed! I love my new bed. With Mike coming off nights we decided we need to do something about our old bed. I don't sleep well when he is around and so a new bed will help to fix that problem. There seems to be more 'middle' in our King size bed and so I am happy. A new bed meant a new comforter set :) and so new paint as well - some day. Lots of fun!
5. I am getting my gall bladder removed. Although the thoughts of surgery don't really make me too happy - I will be happy to have it done and be free from attacks of pain in the night. I have named my gall stone 'little buddy' and so he really needs to go. If you don't hear from me in a while its because I am recouping.
6. Our friends and families have blessed us so much!! My family started up a trust fund for our adoption and we are so overwhelmed by the support that has been given to us. It truly boggles my mind. Our new agency fees have been covered, our travel expenses have been covered and then some. We are humbled and so appreciative. One draw back of the trust fund is that we can not tell who the people are who donate. So, thank you so much - we would love to thank each one individually - but if you gave we are so deeply touched and we thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.
So, I am happy today. Yep, today and tomorrow.