Saturday, April 17, 2010
missed one
This week i missed our 1 year and 6 months - waiting for our referral. Well - i actually didn't miss it - just didn't feel like it was worth celebrating - but it really is. 18 months is pretty big. Actually, this week for the first time in a long time (with the announcement of 2 referrals) it feels like I can get excited about the adoption actually happening. It even feels like it could be possible that we might get our referral this year - and hope of all hopes that we just might (??) travel on the first trip this year?? I know its an ambitious goal but it could really happen. A little hope is a dangerous thing - but hope can also be good. Even started thinking about what kind of travelling we might do on our first trip. Its kind of exciting to feel hopeful again.
learning
Some times it would be nice to not have to learn new things. As a kid i looked at the adults around me and figured once you got to a certain age you just knew everything. Hmmm. Learning i suppose is good. Its good to keep growing and stretching and learning.
This week i really felt so overwhelmed by situations. Situations that involve people i love. And these are things i have no control over, things I can't fix or even help with. It hurts. It hurts to know there is nothing i can do to help and it hurts to know that these people i love hurt. I just felt so helpless. I am a helper - I want to be the one to help but at this point that is not my job. I know my job is to pray. My faith felt so small and i wondered if this would be enough - it would be easier to be doing something - anything. I know this is part of my learning and stretching and growing.
Then we got this email from our Pastor Tom :
I want to share another verse with you that has so personally edified me this past year.
Psalm 56:8 - "Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record?" (NIV)
I also like the ESV - "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"
I have cried more in the past year than at any other period in my life, and with good reason. But what strikes me about this verse is that every single tear drop has not escaped the ever watchful and compassionate eye of my Father. My tears are precious to Him; He collects them and records them.
Maybe you've been crying lately, as the struggles of life have squeezed you. If not, at some point you will cry, as life will inescapably squeeze you. Remember, dear one, how valuable you are to your Heavenly Father. Every tear drop your eyes would release is treated as a rare find by the God of the universe. That is comfort. That is hope. That is the nearness of God.
God not only hears my prayers but he is collecting my tears - and there have been many tears. I felt like God was so far away when in reality He was close enough to collect my tears. How much closer is he to my loved ones in their times of struggle. It is not always my job to fix things - what a lesson that is - its a hard one for me. But i do take comfort and find hope and rest in this promise - our tears are a treasure.
This week i really felt so overwhelmed by situations. Situations that involve people i love. And these are things i have no control over, things I can't fix or even help with. It hurts. It hurts to know there is nothing i can do to help and it hurts to know that these people i love hurt. I just felt so helpless. I am a helper - I want to be the one to help but at this point that is not my job. I know my job is to pray. My faith felt so small and i wondered if this would be enough - it would be easier to be doing something - anything. I know this is part of my learning and stretching and growing.
Then we got this email from our Pastor Tom :
I want to share another verse with you that has so personally edified me this past year.
Psalm 56:8 - "Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record?" (NIV)
I also like the ESV - "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"
I have cried more in the past year than at any other period in my life, and with good reason. But what strikes me about this verse is that every single tear drop has not escaped the ever watchful and compassionate eye of my Father. My tears are precious to Him; He collects them and records them.
Maybe you've been crying lately, as the struggles of life have squeezed you. If not, at some point you will cry, as life will inescapably squeeze you. Remember, dear one, how valuable you are to your Heavenly Father. Every tear drop your eyes would release is treated as a rare find by the God of the universe. That is comfort. That is hope. That is the nearness of God.
God not only hears my prayers but he is collecting my tears - and there have been many tears. I felt like God was so far away when in reality He was close enough to collect my tears. How much closer is he to my loved ones in their times of struggle. It is not always my job to fix things - what a lesson that is - its a hard one for me. But i do take comfort and find hope and rest in this promise - our tears are a treasure.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
what to say
I said i would start posting more - but seriously - we are boring people. There is not alot going on in our lives right now - besides the get up, go to work, come home, go to bed kind of stuff. Folks with writing skills make taking a trip to the dentist sound exciting and blog worthy - and i do get a chuckle out of their stories - but you really don't come to this here blog looking for fun like that. You could give me suggested topics and I could try to come up with something...
We did have a good Easter. I was wonderfully sunny and warm. We did family stuff which is good and can also lead to stress and so i am sure you don't want to hear about it. I did colour some Easter eggs and helped my niece decorate cupcakes -that was fun!! I also got a great pedicure and have now deemed it summer and refuse to wear sock until October.
We did watch The Blind Side. Should have seen it before all the hype. It was a good story but i really didn't think the movie was all that I heard it was.
We did play Rock Band Country - which was pretty hilarious. I rocked out a few songs and also learned that i do not have one ounce of rhythm - we will leave the drum solo's to Mike for sure.
I do wanna send a shout out to a few blogging friends. Friends who are on the cusp of giddy excitement. One friend and hubby are waiting patiently to hear of the birth of their soon to be baby boy in Florida. I check their blog only about a gazillion times a day to see what the latest is. Congrats you guys - you will be on a plane before you know it. Then there are 2 other families that are just on the verge of a referral. I can just feel it. Looking forward to hearing about your big news any day now. I actually fear how i will handle things when we are that close to our referral - i will be a basket case no doubt and a wreck. Poor Mike. Anyhoo - since we have no news - its great to walk with you and your good news.
We did have a good Easter. I was wonderfully sunny and warm. We did family stuff which is good and can also lead to stress and so i am sure you don't want to hear about it. I did colour some Easter eggs and helped my niece decorate cupcakes -that was fun!! I also got a great pedicure and have now deemed it summer and refuse to wear sock until October.
We did watch The Blind Side. Should have seen it before all the hype. It was a good story but i really didn't think the movie was all that I heard it was.
We did play Rock Band Country - which was pretty hilarious. I rocked out a few songs and also learned that i do not have one ounce of rhythm - we will leave the drum solo's to Mike for sure.
I do wanna send a shout out to a few blogging friends. Friends who are on the cusp of giddy excitement. One friend and hubby are waiting patiently to hear of the birth of their soon to be baby boy in Florida. I check their blog only about a gazillion times a day to see what the latest is. Congrats you guys - you will be on a plane before you know it. Then there are 2 other families that are just on the verge of a referral. I can just feel it. Looking forward to hearing about your big news any day now. I actually fear how i will handle things when we are that close to our referral - i will be a basket case no doubt and a wreck. Poor Mike. Anyhoo - since we have no news - its great to walk with you and your good news.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Strength for today...
I have decided to get back to blogging. I have been fairly silent lately. The sun is shining, more referrals have been announced last week and we have a day off on Friday!!! These are good things!
Last night was also a good night for me. I met 5 other mom's who are in various stages of adoption from Ethiopia. The blogging community is great for support - but to actually meet with people in person and talk about life is great! So, here is a shout out to my new pals!!!! Looking forward to seeing you all again and one day meeting your kids!!!
Now for a topic switch - i love music - all sorts of music. Today, out of the blue an old time hymn popped into my head. The whole song is really great. At times in my life I haven't been able to sing the whole thing. I haven't always 'felt' it but that doesn't mean it's not true. Today the line "strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow" played in my head over and over and over. I have been wanting strength for the rest of this journey - and all i really need is strength for today. The whole journey wears me down, the bumps in the road wear me down - all i need is strength for today. I have been learning lately to take smaller bites - don't try to do everything at once - one day at a time. God is faithful and will provide the 'strength for today and the bright hope for tomorrow'.
Last night was also a good night for me. I met 5 other mom's who are in various stages of adoption from Ethiopia. The blogging community is great for support - but to actually meet with people in person and talk about life is great! So, here is a shout out to my new pals!!!! Looking forward to seeing you all again and one day meeting your kids!!!
Now for a topic switch - i love music - all sorts of music. Today, out of the blue an old time hymn popped into my head. The whole song is really great. At times in my life I haven't been able to sing the whole thing. I haven't always 'felt' it but that doesn't mean it's not true. Today the line "strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow" played in my head over and over and over. I have been wanting strength for the rest of this journey - and all i really need is strength for today. The whole journey wears me down, the bumps in the road wear me down - all i need is strength for today. I have been learning lately to take smaller bites - don't try to do everything at once - one day at a time. God is faithful and will provide the 'strength for today and the bright hope for tomorrow'.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
step back
What a crazy ride its been lately! I won't say that i am all good now with everything that has been going on - but i will say that I am learning to roll with the punches. The whole travel thing - well, financially it really sucks and emotionally it will be hard but i can live with it. The hold on adoptions is a bit more tough. There have actually been 3 referrals announced this week, so we are not sure if things are rolling again or if these were exceptions. Either way we are pleased that our number is decreasing. At work i have made up a number count down device - just a pad of paper with numbers on it - nothing too brilliant- but each time i hear about a referral i get to rip that page off - and it feels pretty good. To make it even more exciting i shred the old number :) It's actually quite therapeutic!!!
Anyhoo - that's about all that's new with me. I have stepped 'away from the edge' - mostly anyway. I think its safe to say that those of us who made it through the bankruptcy this summer still have pretty tender hearts. For me, I am doing the best that I can and trusting in God's plan for this family.
Anyhoo - that's about all that's new with me. I have stepped 'away from the edge' - mostly anyway. I think its safe to say that those of us who made it through the bankruptcy this summer still have pretty tender hearts. For me, I am doing the best that I can and trusting in God's plan for this family.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
more
First off - let me say that today its been 2 years and one day since we started this adoption. Wow - last year while we were blissfully eating our wat and injera we had no clue that we would still be waiting and waiting and waiting a year later. And today i really don't see that wait getting any shorter or easier.
We have hit a new bump in the road. I already mentioned that referrals have slowed down to a stand still and today we hear something new. We will now have to travel twice to Ethiopia. Once at the time of court date to appear before the judge. Then we will get to see our precious baby, hold him/her in our arms and then get on a plane and come home to wait another 4 months or so till the rest of the paperwork is complete. Then we get to fly back.
Now, I completely understand the reasoning on both of these road blocks. They truly both have the best interests of the child in mind. But today i wonder how much more i can take. The thoughts of meeting my baby and then leaving it are beyond words. I can only imagine its hard enough to see the photos but to hold him and then let go.
Financially we will be stretched to afford 2 visits. Fortunately due to the generosity of our friends and families our trust fund will probably cover almost all of it. I am sure there are others who will have a very difficult time coming up with the extra $$.
I keep reminding myself that we are extremely confidant that this is God's plan for us. This child is God's plan for us and we are His plan for our child. This is the only thing that keeps me sane.
We have hit a new bump in the road. I already mentioned that referrals have slowed down to a stand still and today we hear something new. We will now have to travel twice to Ethiopia. Once at the time of court date to appear before the judge. Then we will get to see our precious baby, hold him/her in our arms and then get on a plane and come home to wait another 4 months or so till the rest of the paperwork is complete. Then we get to fly back.
Now, I completely understand the reasoning on both of these road blocks. They truly both have the best interests of the child in mind. But today i wonder how much more i can take. The thoughts of meeting my baby and then leaving it are beyond words. I can only imagine its hard enough to see the photos but to hold him and then let go.
Financially we will be stretched to afford 2 visits. Fortunately due to the generosity of our friends and families our trust fund will probably cover almost all of it. I am sure there are others who will have a very difficult time coming up with the extra $$.
I keep reminding myself that we are extremely confidant that this is God's plan for us. This child is God's plan for us and we are His plan for our child. This is the only thing that keeps me sane.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
discouraged
The past few months i have tried very hard to keep a positive attitude. We are so happy that our adoption will still happen...but why the extra bumps along the road??? I know that they are to be expected with adoption - i should be used to this. But right now i feel like enough is enough!!! We found out last week (without going into details - too tired for details) that more referrals aren't likely any time soon. It is most likely a temporary thing - and in reality it protects the best interests of the children which we all know is the most important thing. But what could it hurt for the rest of this process to go ahead smoothly??? Just when i start feeling really good and optimistic than boom/bam/smash and it feels like we are back at square one. Sorry everyone - just feeling kind of crappy about this whole thing. The sun is shinning and it feels like spring and I feel like crap.
Anyhoo - we did have a nice weekend away, just hubby and me. It was a last minute, spontaneous decision and boy did i need it. Retail therapy always works wonders - and who doesn't like a spiffy looking mommy in waiting? Mike did allow me to by two baby things - a very-cute-gender-neutral-soft-baby-doll. So cute and cuddly. and a really great book that he found.
So, thats my grumble for today - please bring on the good news. Everyone chant with me now - GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS.
Anyhoo - we did have a nice weekend away, just hubby and me. It was a last minute, spontaneous decision and boy did i need it. Retail therapy always works wonders - and who doesn't like a spiffy looking mommy in waiting? Mike did allow me to by two baby things - a very-cute-gender-neutral-soft-baby-doll. So cute and cuddly. and a really great book that he found.
So, thats my grumble for today - please bring on the good news. Everyone chant with me now - GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS.
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