missed one

This week i missed our 1 year and 6 months - waiting for our referral. Well - i actually didn't miss it - just didn't feel like it was worth celebrating - but it really is. 18 months is pretty big. Actually, this week for the first time in a long time (with the announcement of 2 referrals) it feels like I can get excited about the adoption actually happening. It even feels like it could be possible that we might get our referral this year - and hope of all hopes that we just might (??) travel on the first trip this year?? I know its an ambitious goal but it could really happen. A little hope is a dangerous thing - but hope can also be good. Even started thinking about what kind of travelling we might do on our first trip. Its kind of exciting to feel hopeful again.

learning

Some times it would be nice to not have to learn new things. As a kid i looked at the adults around me and figured once you got to a certain age you just knew everything. Hmmm. Learning i suppose is good. Its good to keep growing and stretching and learning.

This week i really felt so overwhelmed by situations. Situations that involve people i love. And these are things i have no control over, things I can't fix or even help with. It hurts. It hurts to know there is nothing i can do to help and it hurts to know that these people i love hurt. I just felt so helpless. I am a helper - I want to be the one to help but at this point that is not my job. I know my job is to pray. My faith felt so small and i wondered if this would be enough - it would be easier to be doing something - anything. I know this is part of my learning and stretching and growing.

Then we got this email from our Pastor Tom :

I want to share another verse with you that has so personally edified me this past year.

Psalm 56:8 - "Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record?" (NIV)

I also like the ESV - "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

I have cried more in the past year than at any other period in my life, and with good reason. But what strikes me about this verse is that every single tear drop has not escaped the ever watchful and compassionate eye of my Father. My tears are precious to Him; He collects them and records them.

Maybe you've been crying lately, as the struggles of life have squeezed you. If not, at some point you will cry, as life will inescapably squeeze you. Remember, dear one, how valuable you are to your Heavenly Father. Every tear drop your eyes would release is treated as a rare find by the God of the universe. That is comfort. That is hope. That is the nearness of God.

God not only hears my prayers but he is collecting my tears - and there have been many tears. I felt like God was so far away when in reality He was close enough to collect my tears. How much closer is he to my loved ones in their times of struggle. It is not always my job to fix things - what a lesson that is - its a hard one for me. But i do take comfort and find hope and rest in this promise - our tears are a treasure.

what to say

I said i would start posting more - but seriously - we are boring people. There is not alot going on in our lives right now - besides the get up, go to work, come home, go to bed kind of stuff. Folks with writing skills make taking a trip to the dentist sound exciting and blog worthy - and i do get a chuckle out of their stories - but you really don't come to this here blog looking for fun like that. You could give me suggested topics and I could try to come up with something...

We did have a good Easter. I was wonderfully sunny and warm. We did family stuff which is good and can also lead to stress and so i am sure you don't want to hear about it. I did colour some Easter eggs and helped my niece decorate cupcakes -that was fun!! I also got a great pedicure and have now deemed it summer and refuse to wear sock until October.

We did watch The Blind Side. Should have seen it before all the hype. It was a good story but i really didn't think the movie was all that I heard it was.

We did play Rock Band Country - which was pretty hilarious. I rocked out a few songs and also learned that i do not have one ounce of rhythm - we will leave the drum solo's to Mike for sure.

I do wanna send a shout out to a few blogging friends. Friends who are on the cusp of giddy excitement. One friend and hubby are waiting patiently to hear of the birth of their soon to be baby boy in Florida. I check their blog only about a gazillion times a day to see what the latest is. Congrats you guys - you will be on a plane before you know it. Then there are 2 other families that are just on the verge of a referral. I can just feel it. Looking forward to hearing about your big news any day now. I actually fear how i will handle things when we are that close to our referral - i will be a basket case no doubt and a wreck. Poor Mike. Anyhoo - since we have no news - its great to walk with you and your good news.