95+

No - I am not talking about the weather today - i am talking about my age. That is about how old I feel! I knew i was due for my yearly bout with sciatica and here we are. It's way better than last year's version but none the less i walk around like an old woman. I really could have used a walker for a few days - a kitchen chair had to do the trick. I am mobile now - slowly and surely. I was only off work for 4 days this time... I hate to be helpless -ugh. The good news is that i am on the mend and all will soon be well.
Anyhoo, other than my ailments nothing much is new. We continue to live our lives and continue to hope that our adoption will have a happy ending. Some days i get excited and day dream again about how it will be - when we are parents. Even thought up a new good boy's name (have lots of girls names on the list but not too many good boy choices). And some days the reality of waiting another year or so just weighs me down.
Good news for lots of Cafac folks including Steph and fam! Congrats and yippee!!! I am celebrating with you!!! Its so great to see things moving along for you all. I am still lurking out there - keeping up with my blogging peeps - seeing your kids at home gives me hope and reminds me that it's all worth it.
So, that's it for me. Just thought i would let you know that i am still here - slow and feeble but here.

happy birthday...

yep - we have been waiting for our referral for one whole year! hard to believe we have made it this far - and at this point I am just so glad that our adoption is still moving forward. So, one year down - I am trying really hard not to imagine when we will be holding our baby - i am hoping that it will be sooner than i think.

So, besides all that, what have we been doing? I have been a fairly silent blogger - hope that i am not a source of entertainment for you - you must be bored out of your tree!!! Seems like our fall has been busier than our summer - had an anniversary, went to the beach (I LOVE IT!!), helped my mom pick out fixtures, flooring and cabinets for her new bathroom, started up a new Jr Youth program at our Church, had a great weekend with Mike's family in Dunnville (a big shout out to the Manning clan), went to AJ's first birthday party, went to a great concert, said goodbye to Dad as he has returned to Burkina, had a great visit with cousin Lorie and got to meet Max for the first time, took a few days off :), had a cake decorating lesson with Dayna, did some shopping :), mike had a birthday, had a party, did some more shopping, welcomed back Dennis and Sue to Ontario, cooked up a storm with my sister, did some more shopping :), and celebrated thanksgiving with my family. Phew - its been a busy couple of weeks. I am looking forward to life settling down a bit - but don't expect it to in reality.
This thanksgiving i am so thankful for you - my family and friends. This year i have been reminded so much of how you all love me and care for me. and we sure needed it. I know that we couldn't have made it through without your encouragement and support. thanks to God for providing me with all of you.

Another step in the right direction

Today was the court date. The bankruptcy has been annulled in court and we are on to the next step. I wish the new board would re-name "Imagine Adoption" but i guess we will wait and see if they do - a new beginning needs a new name in my books.
Anyhoo - yep - its another step, with many more to go. We are still feeling 'cautiously' optimistic. The next hurdle will come in November. This is when families continuing on will need to sign an new contract with the new agency and pay more money. In order for things to continue, there needs to be a certain number of families who sign on. So, we will hold our breath and hope for the best. I know some people have moved on, and i wish them all the best. We were very close to making that decision as well - we wish you luck and blessings on your new journeys. We have decided to stick it out and see where is all goes.

The vote is in...

You have probably seen the news by now - the vote is in and its a YES!!!!!!!
Its hard to believe how far we have come since that nasty Monday in July. I wasn't even certain that we would have a yes vote - there was so much negativity out there that i was wondering if we would even get to the next step or not.
I am pretty excited - but still know that we have a long way to go. The next big hurdle will be signing the contract. It seems like there still may be people who choose to go in different directions. That is their choice and their business and i respect each family making a decision that is best for them. The plan can continue if some families opt out - but we still need a high number for it to continue. So, by the end of November we will know how many families are going to sign the new contract and continue on.
The next hurdle comes in Feb 2010 when the new board will decide if this new agency is feasible - will it really work? This is another crucial point where things could end for us.
So - yes i am excited - but of course with international adoption there is no guaranties. As i said in an earlier post - i don't think i will be truly excited until i see that picture of our baby and finally hold him/her in our arms. Until then, I keep hoping and praying...

Happy Anniversary

My sweetie and I have just celebrated our 5th Anniversary.
5 years!!! I know we are still in the honeymoon years - and i hope they never end. I always wanted to be 'married' but i never imagined i would be so happy.

"Feels Like Home"

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms

There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see through the dark there's light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

i love you!!!

proposal

Well, 'the proposal' came out on Friday night. Its hard to believe how this whole mess has turned around so quickly. It hasn't always felt quick but in the big picture it has been. On July 13th our world was turned upside down and now on August 11 we have some answers and a plan. By the way - July 13th was our 9th month waiting for our referral - i haven't been counting lately. But i feel way over due!
I am happy with the proposal. I want to say a huge thanks to Susan Taves - the trustee. She even included a video with the key points to make everything easier for us. Yes, we have to pay more money. But its actually alot less than I thought it would be. I have been told to not worry about money, so I am trying not to.
I just can't seem to get excited about it though. I want to be excited. I want to open that nursery door again. I want to go in there and rock in the chair and dream about our baby. But I just can't seem to be excited. Maybe when the first referral comes in... Maybe when that first baby comes home... Maybe when we get our referral... Maybe when we bring our baby home... I have a feeling that it wont be real till i have that baby in my arms - cause i know that things can and do happen and dreams can be shattered. I know people have had those photos and thought they had their babies and they don't. Please don't let this be another awful chapter of our lives. Please let this be the beginning of the happy ending.

What i did on my summer vacation 2009

Hi there - yes we are still living. Its been a while. We really don't know anything new at this point. We are still waiting for the 'proposal' done by the trustee to become available. Hopefully it will give details as to how/if things will proceed. I have sure had my moments of doubt and hope that our present 'limbo' will soon be over. It really sucks.

Anyway - since we are now back from my third week of vacation, I thought you might like to know what we did this summer....

My first week consisted of a spa get away with my good friend Tracey. Notice the lovely spa robes - we got to keep them, didn't steal them - i promise.

Mike and i took a week off right after the whole Imagine crap went down. We were supposed to finish our renovations -the baby's room - but decided to get away instead. We went camping - it rained almost the whole time. And i dont mean a nice little shower every once in a while - it poured - every day. We're talking good times!

Here we are trying to take our pic in a mirror.

Here are some of the friends we made that week.

We really liked them - they didn't ask us stupid questions or make insensitive remarks

We also spent a long weekend camping with my family

For our last week of vacation we headed to eastern Ontario.

Here is how it started:

But - hey - we are on vacation right - who's in a hurry!

We did alot of this:

Spent some quality time at the beach. Did some hiking and saw this pretty lily:

We also went on a cruise of the 1000 Islands.

We saw cottages like this:

and some 'cottages' like this:

Pretty crazy huh??

Anyhoo - we had a good time away - we really needed it!! Now its back to reality and the craziness that has become our life. A shout out to the rest of our peeps who are in the same boat as us -the suspense is killing me - i hope we get some real, firm, 'this is whats happening' news really soon. I am tired of this limbo - i am tired of not knowing what we are doing. I am tired of having to think of what is behind door #2. We didn't want door #2 - if we did we would have chose it in the first place. My patience is wearing thin. I don't know how much longer my heart can take this abuse. Are we grieving - are we hoping???? Please remember to keep us in your prayers - we still really need them!!!!