Our First Days

Where to begin! 

Picking Bedilu up  - what a day!  I met with the nurse and got his schedule.  It was so great to get the info but i was for sure feeling overwhelmed!!!!  We changed him into an outfit we had brought with us and then we were off.  He got to say his good byes to his nannies and as we were backing out of the compound more came running out to say good bye.  So touching to see how they will miss him.  The car ride was quiet as he just took it all in - he probably hasn't been out of the orphanage for 3 months or so.

We tried to stick to the schedule on the first day.  Smiles were hard to come by but by the end of the day we even had one short giggle.  He had a good nap but by supper time was not feeling so great.  He is teething and has a bad cold.  We have him started on some antibiotics.  He actually slept for 13 hours which was amazing!!!

Today has been a good day.  This morning he was just snuggly and cuddly.  He had a nap that we weren't expecting and then another one in the afternoon.  I think his teeth are really bothering him but he is doing well despite it all.  We have just been taking it easy.  Not sure that we will be doing much besides hanging out here at the Guesthouse.  He has started bonding with us.  He prefers me (Brenda) but will go with Mike as well.  He doesn't like to be too far from us - usually wants to be held or very close.  Its been a very good start!!!

Gotcha Day

We are leaving shortly to go and pick up Bedilu.  Can this really be happening???  Am still not believing it!  Just made up the crib in our room and packed a diaper bag for the first time.  Our visits have been bitter sweet.  So wonderful to hold him for the first time.  But so hard to see him so confused and scared.  Almost got a smile out of him yesterday....but its alot for him to take in.  I have a feeling that by the time we fly we will be seeing a whole different side to him.  In the play room we saw him smiling and heard him laughing and so we know we will see that again.  Wish we could upload photos... but I guess we will be doing that soon enough.

We are enjoying our time at the KVI guesthouse.  Its so wonderful to see our friends again.  And I feel much more confidant bringing Bedi here knowing that they are all here to help.  They can't wait till he comes!!!!  Its been rainy - the rainy season is starting early.  Much different from the dry, hot heat in March!  Its damp and muggy and my hair is showing the signs of humidity!!!  Yesterday it was sunny and this morning looks the same.

Hello Addis #2

We made it to Addis after what seemed like crazy long flights... It seemed like we would never get here!!!!  We met up with Mike's Dad - Chuck at the airport.  He flew in from Burkina Faso where he does Mission work.  It took us 2 hours to get our visa and get through customs...  It felt like forever.  But before long we found our ride and took off for the Guesthouse.  KVI has moved its Guesthouse - but I will get into that another time.

We had a nice chat with Eyob over the best coffee ever.  So happy to be back with our friends and enjoying Zeneba's coffee!!

Neither of us slept really well (added to 28+ hours of travel with no sleep)... and so after our breakfast we had a short nap.  Then we were off to the Kidslink/Imagine office to pick up Bedi's visa and other paperwork.  Then off to the orphanage for our first visit. I was totally unprepared.  It seemed like it took forever to drive the 4 or so blocks to the orphanage.  Before long we were at the compound gate and it swung open.

It was great to see our friends again who work at the orphanage.  Then they took us back to the baby room.  We ended up taking Bedi outside to create a bit of distance from his beloved Nannies.  He fussed for just a short while and then settled in with us.  He did pretty well but he was not exactly comfortable with us.  I have a feeling though that he will warm up to us soon.  Next time we will take some toys to keep him occupied.  He sure has alot of changes coming up - but I feel that by the end of the week he will be happier to see us.  We will probably visit for 3 or 4 more days before he comes home with us.

We decided everyone would be better off if we had a nap - and it was a good one!  It started raining just after lunch and there is no better time to have a nap!!!  We are both feeling much more human again and are looking forward to our visits tomorrow!

VISA

We just found out this morning that our VISA is in!!!!!

I can hardly believe it!!!  We are making our flight arrangements right now and will be leaving in the next few days!!!!  We are going to pick up our son!  Stay tuned!!

DHL

It seems that our doc's are taking a trip to Nairobi!!! I think the DHL website might get a few extra hits today - as I watch our doc's get delivered to the High Commission. This is the last thing we have to wait on - the visa. Can it be that we are closing in on the end of this whole crazy process????

Hold on Bedi - we are coming soon!!!

What to expect when you're expecting...

We have had a busy couple of weeks. We have been getting ready for Bedilu to come home! I am estimating that we have 4 or so weeks to go! We have had a baby shower, have been test driving strollers and even bought one. We bought our first box of diapers. I have made new packing lists and reorganized our luggage and carry-on’s. New curtains have been made. And a new renovation project has begun. These projects have been fun and have kept us busy. I had been told that they wait from court to visa would be the hardest. And that advice might just be correct. We have hit a few snags in the past few weeks and our patience has been put to the test.

Of course I have been thinking non-stop of our son. I sit in his room and imagine rocking him there. I wash and fold his clothes and try to remember exactly how big he is. I think of him in the orphanage and remember the love I saw between him and one particular nanny. I feel guilt that I will soon be turning his world upside down.

You see, lots of people tell me how lucky he is to be joining our family. But he is going to be losing as well. He will be losing all he has known and even though living in a family unit is much healthier than growing up in an orphanage, he is going to suffer loss and grief because of us. This transition will be difficult for him no doubt. We have been getting ready for him – but he has not been getting ready for us – he has no idea how his world is going to change very shortly.

We have had lots of time (4 years) to take courses, read books and speak with other adoptive families. We will be following some recommended actions in bringing Bedilu home.

First of all we will be ‘cocooning’. This means that for the first little while (the time depends on Bedilu’s personality and progress) we will be sticking close to home. We will be limiting his experiences until we feel he is comfortable. After all, he has spent the last 16 months in an orphanage – often in the same room – with the same people. All that is familiar will change. We need to ‘introduce’ him to the world slowly. We will be limiting visits and visitors.

The first thing that we need to teach Bedilu is that we are his parents. He has been used to numerous nannies and care givers coming and going and he needs to learn that we are not going anywhere. As parents, Mike and I need to be the only ones responding to his needs. The only ones to hold, bathe, dress, change, feed and soothe him. He needs to know that when he has a need it will be met by Mom and Dad. Yep – that is a tall order. Yep – we are going to be exhausted. But it is essential to his bonding with us that we undertake this huge task. If a strong attachment does not develop it will affect other relationships he has in the future. This also includes responding quickly to his needs – there will be no ‘crying it out’. He needs to learn that when he cries we will respond.

Adoption is hard. Bedilu is in for a huge change in his life. And so are we. Parenting will probably be the biggest challenge yet for us. Thanks for your support and for respecting our family!

Did I miss something...

Most observant folks might notice that when we got our referral we introduced our son as 'Devin Shawn Bedilu Manning'. Last week when we announced that we passed court we introduced 'Bedilu Michael Manning'.... Anyone confused???

The issue of naming in adoption is complicated. There are good points to both sides - to keep the birth name or to change them. I am not trying to start a debate here. It is totally a personal choice and I really don't believe one way is better than the other - this is just the story of how we came to change his name and then change it back again :)

We (for lots of very good reasons) had decided to change our son's name. We thought about it long and hard and weighed the pros and cons. We poured over baby name books and made list upon list of names to consider. We choose a name we really liked - Devin - just because we liked it, Shawn for Mike's middle name and then Bedilu for his birth name. At this time we also began calling our son Bedi. My family tends to shorten names as nick names and Bedi has just kind of stuck all along.

Fast forward to meeting our son. All of a sudden it just seemed right to keep his name. Once we saw him we just knew he is a 'Bedilu'. Bedilu means 'by his luck'. Now, I don't really believe in luck - I do believe that our lives are directed by God and that Bedi has come to us not by luck but by a Divine plan. Changing his name 'back' to Bedilu wasn't a hard - it just feels right. I know we messed a few people up who have been making us things with his name - so sorry for that :) And that my friends, is the story of Devin/Bedilu.