Is the room spining or is it just me???

Wow - what a week its been! Thursday i did get most of the cleaning and fixing up done. Mike did more on Friday afternoon. At first it really freaked me out to only have 2 days notice before the home visit - but it was kind of like riping the band aid off fast - it hurt for a short while and then it was all over. I am sure if i had weeks to clean i would have driven mike and everyone else crazy.

I am very good at playing head games. The adoption world has a very definite 'sub-culture'. There is so much support out there. So many people have blogs, there are chat groups and info everywhere you look. i have loved to read other people's blogs- they educate, inform, support, give hope and are fun. I love to see pictures of kids that are home and read the stories of how they are adjusting and bonding in their new families. I was also shocked/surprised that other prospective adopting parents are reading my blog - i felt almost famous -almost anyway. thanks for joining in. Anyhoo - all to say that all this info is very helpful but can also freak you out. I often compare my situation to others and then get into trouble. That is one reason (i think) that i had a major melt down this week. As i mentioned earlier this week, our home study was just really dragging along. We had done all the paperwork - and it felt like nothing was happening. Then all of a sudden things really picked up. Then i started 2nd guessing myself and this process. it seemed to be moving too fast - i had totally convinced myself that it was moving so fast because we were getting rejected. Now some of you will scoff at that and say - are you kidding - chill out. But you have to realize that having a family is out of our hands. We are asking other people to assess us to see if we will be good enough to be parents - its really scary -they have to power to deny us. Of coarse - i know we will be great parents - but does the rest of the world?? I know God is in control - but we all know that I would like to be in control - its a lesson that i learn over and over... Anyhoo - thanks to Nancy for keeping me grounded (at least she tried) on Friday. Also, it seemed that our home study was progressing in a way i had not read about and it freaked me out. Fast forward to Friday evening - the AP came - loves our house (even the dirty windows, crazy renos and creaking floors) and loves us. We have passed with no objection on her part. We got to read her report and i was very impressed. She asked if there was anything i wanted to change - and i was just so happy we weren't rejected that i couldn't think of a thing.

Today - i feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my (our) shoulders. I am happily doing the million loads of laundry that i hid all around the house. We are on to the next step... We will go Monday night and sign the 'document' and then it gets sent to our agency and then to the ministry. Now - believe it or not - there is more paper work to be done. Our Ethiopian Dossier requires a few more things that our home study didn't. I have been ignoring it to concentrate on the home study so - its time to get that done too. We are one step closer!!!!!!

In the last week 2 different people have reminded me that at the end of this circus there is a real live baby that we will meet and bring here. Some times the baby seems like an abstract concept to me. Maybe its a coping mechanism (we have had lots of disappointments)- and really - its still a long way off - but we will have a baby!!!! These 2 friends have reminded me that God has one specific child in mind for us - the timing of home studies and medicals and visas all happen for a reason - that one child will be ready for us when we are ready for her/him.

Can't wait to meet you baby!!!!!!