Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Secret Daughter

I just read an amazing book called Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda.

This book just really hit home to me on a few different levels. So many things to relate to. Hope I don't give too much away :)

Its a story of a woman giving up her baby in rural India. For me, this part of the story allows me to relate to our birth mother. We don't have a referral yet - so we don't know what our story will be. But when i read this story i see the amazing love this mother has for her child. I see the determination for this child to live and thrive. I see the love this mother has for her child all of her life. She wonders every day how her child is and what she is doing - every day. Giving up your child is not a a thing done lightly. I wonder if our birth mother will ever be at peace knowing how her child is being raised. I hope so.

Its a story of an adoptive mother who yearns for a child. I have lived her pain. It was hard to read. It was part of my story - and so it was very real to me. It put into words what i have felt at one time or another. Its not totally my story- as my relationship with my husband has only been strengthened through this whole thing - a blessing for sure. But, to see in words what i have felt - a validation in a way - was very powerful to me.

Its a story of a child growing up in a an adoptive family and longing to know her past and who she is. And its painful and hard but its necessary to figure out. I want to be able to walk with our child along this difficult journey and be able to help them answer those tough questions in their lives.

It's also a trip to India. We work in India and i feel a connection there. What an eye opener into the country of India.

So, there you have it. A good read. Hope you might enjoy it too.


I mentioned in my last post, that we were getting our shots. Yep, we did. We are officially pin cushions!!!

A while back our sweet, wonderful, compassionate and ever optimistic family Dr suggested we get in sooner than later for our travel shots. It can some times take up to 6 weeks to get an appointment - so i finally did it. They wanted to know exactly where we are going (don't know), when we are going (don't know) and all that good stuff. The amazing part was that the RN was an BTDT adoptive mom with a son from Korea and daughter from South Africa. So, she knew her stuff and understood our vague info and gave us our shots anyway. Kind of funny - i remember the first lady that took our finger prints also was an adoptive mom. Anyway - it was nice to meet her and talk to some one who gets it!!! Thanks nice RN lady!!!!

Anyhoo - back to the shots. I got a polio top up, Yellow Fever and the first Twinrix shot. I go back for the 2nd Twinrix shot and we are still out for debate on the Typhoid - Karen what do you think - do we need it? and what kind of Malaria we need. MIke got 4 shots. On our first trip we hope to do some travelling - don't know exactly where yet. We came away with info overload, sore arms, a huge bill and a smile on my face - knowing that we can stroke 'shots' off our list. It feels so good to be able to DO something again. I think that is the hardest part - the not being able to DO anything

So, we are ready to leave now any time - got our shots - now just bring on the referral!!!!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Confession Friday - on a Monday

I confess -
*its Monday. I had all weekend to blog and i just don't feel like i have much to say. Still waiting, still living... still waiting

*my heart hurts so much for my dear cousins. To loose their mom with such a shock. I just would love to take away the hurt. Love you guys

*i had a pretty sweet weekend. I actually had a few extra days off last week. I will confess that i did some fun stuff like reading an amazing book on my deck in the sun.

*I confess a sunburn is my proof that the sun did shine for 1/2 of the weekend.

*i confess that i am really hoping to hear that our file is on its way to E this week. It has been tracked down and the fear was confirmed - it was sitting somewhere, ignored and gathering dust... we seem to be just 'along for the ride' and at the mercy of people that we didn't choose to look after our business. enough said about that

*I confess we are getting our travel shots tomorrow. They want to know an itenerary and i made one up...cause i dont want to be scrambling to get our shots.

*i confess that my belief in miracles was renewed today when i read some amazing news on a fellow bloggers blog. Congrats to Nat and Chris!!!!

*I confess that we could use a miracle too and would like to get that referral this week - well, this month would be fine too

Monday, May 16, 2011

What It Might Feel Like to be Adopted - from Ruth's Rambles

The following was posted by Ruth a while back. It really struck a cord with me...and I wanted to share it. Adoption is just plain hard. There is no way around it. We will most likely be the 4th caregiver our child will have had. Even as an infant, he/she will be confussed and scared. There is even research to suggest that brain activity can be affected by the loss and change in caregiver. I will post soon about secure attachment and how we plan to be pro-active in our parenting.

Here is Ruth's post:

About a year ago, I read an article by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, an article that first went to print in the Adoption Parenting publication. Hockman-Chupp is a writer and an adoptive parent, and she wrote the following analogy to help all pre-adoptive parents understand what adoption might feel like from a child's perspective. It haw haunted me since first reading it. Here it is in its entirety.

A Different Perspective

Imagine for a moment...

You have met the person you’ve dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancĂ©e. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by “soul mate,” for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day’s events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world...the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner’s arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it’s not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn’t understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn’t speak your lan- guage-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn’t seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bed-time with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He’s finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don’t understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to “get along.” You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.
Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, some-one (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you’ve ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you’ve never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you’re used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy’s hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you’ve fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you’re hanging on for dear life, you’ve learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

How would each of us handle all these changes? How would this impact us for the rest of our lives?

©2006-8 Cynthia Hockman-Chupp. Cynthia is an adoptive parent, teacher, and writer who has learned the most about parenting from her children. She operates a website with Heidi Louella, another adoptive parent and teacher, called with great information for families that are dealing with the challenges of attachment in young children. Her analogy is courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller, an attachment therapist.
This article was originally published in Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections published by EMK Press. This 520 page parenting book is a tapestry of contributions from over 100 adoptive parents, adoption experts, birth parents, and parents who have become experts to parent the children who have come to them. It is available from EMK Press, 16 Mt. Bethel Road, #216, Warren, NJ 07059 732-469-7544 • 732-469-7861 fax •


Thank you all for praying for my cousin Betty and her family. Sorry for the delay in posting. Betty went to be with the Lord soon after she became ill. On Mother's Day we gathered to celebrate her life and to grieve her passing.
I come from a large family. Betty's dad is the oldest of 12 and my dad happens to be #9. And so Betty was closer to my parents age and her kids are closer to my age. In fact, I was born 3 days after Harold and Betty's wedding. They would have been married 40 years in June.

I grew up attending church with Betty and Harold and their family and I would say that they taught me many things about walking with Jesus just through their example. When i was 16 we got a flier at church for a summer mission trip. It looked pretty interesting but i had alot of fear about it. When she asked me if i was thinking of going, i made up some excuses about money and who knows what. Betty said to me "Do you have something better to do?" She has a way of saying it like it is and so she really encouraged me to seriously think and pray about it. That summer was an amazing blessing to me and the beginning of a stirring in my heart for mission work.

I think that Betty was the first person at church that i told about our adoption. I just couldn't wait to tell someone and there she was. She was so excited! She had actually done some volunteer work with Imagine - hand delivering documents to the embassy in Ottawa. I know she prayed for us and was always interested in our 'next steps' and where we were in line.

Betty was an amazing Mother, Grandmother, prayer warrior, friend. And man did she know her Scriptures. What an amazing legacy she leaves. LIfe is short, you just don't know what God's plan is for your life. Live life to the fullest, be thankful for what you have and those who are in your life.

Here is a clip from the local news

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Please Pray

Could you all please pray for my cousin Betty. She is hospital in very serious condition. Pray for her husband, thier 3 kids and spouces and 9 grandkids.