Moving on up

There were 3 referrals announced this week!!!! That is a 3 place jump closer to the top for us. It is starting to get exciting again! I was just sitting in the baby's room thinking of things to be done and getting excited again. Oh my, can it be? Will it soon be our turn???

Confession Friday

I Confess that i have the day off today and have zero motivation to get anything done. Last week I was a busy bee and today i would love to curl up on the couch with a good book.

I Confess that we got invited to a wedding next month and i have absolutely nothing to wear. I do not own a dress that will work in the winter.

I Confess that i dread looking for the dress. Luckily my 15 year old niece will be shopping with me. At least we will get something kind of 'cool' or in style. Hopefully... Worse than the dress will be finding shoes for my wide feet.

I Confess that last Friday we thought we had all our paperwork together and so we quickly mailed it off to our agency. Monday morning we received a new form that must be signed and notarized... It just never ends.

I Confess that its a beautiful 'spring' day here - the sun is shining and the snow is melting. All we have now is that yucky, dirty brown snow and so i hope it snows again. The world is so much prettier when the snow is clean and white.

Confession Friday

I confess that its Friday and i have the day off!! Beautiful bliss!! I have next Friday off too - i could learn to like this :)

I confess that my excitement for today has included cleaning and laundry and cooking a real dinner instead of 'something fast' and possibly some ironing - exciting stuff. Mike came home at noon and will do some painting this afternoon!

I confess that it is exciting to get these things done in the day time instead of in the evening after work

I confess that i should have thought about how big our house is when we bought it. I thought a big house would be great - it is - until you have to clean it.

I confess that i went to aquafit this week for the first time in many years. It was good but my calves are still paying me back.

I confess that i feel so bad for Ruth and the other families who did not pass court today. Things change and new 'rules' happen and all of a sudden it's a red tape nightmare.

I confess that we got the last piece of paper we need for our update. It is being sent off to Imagine today!!

I confess that this whole merger thing has still got me anxious but its another lesson in 'going with the flow' cause we just don't have a choice. More info will be nice to set us all at ease.

Reality Check

Funny how just when i am starting to feel positive about the adoption, that you get a reality check. Yesterday we found out that Imagine is merging with an existing adoption agency in Ontario. Hmmm, interesting. They say that things shouldn't change and that it should all be good. Hmmm, interesting.
So many things run through my head.
How can a small agency just take on so many new clients and serve us all well? I am sure the existing clients aren't too pleased, I know I wouldn't be.
Will this make a difference in our adoption? Maybe things will be more efficient. Maybe things will be less efficient. Maybe, maybe, maybe. It just goes to prove that we have no control over this whole process. That is the most frustrating thing to me. We have absolutely no control over what is happening in our lives. So many people make decisions that effect us and we have to deal with it.
I do feel bad for the Imagine employees. They will be let go and i am guessing the new agency will need to hire more folks to deal with all of our files. But will these people have experience with E?? I am really hoping that our file can be renewed and sent off to E before the change over happens. It would be even better to get our referral before the change over happens but that is a bit overly optimistic.
Sheesh - i am just a bit stunned by all of this. You just have to wonder what will come next. Change is always hard - no doubt about it. But like i said earlier- I just feel so helpless in this whole thing - just along for the ride. Hopefully those making these choices are making good ones for all involved... I do realized that we need to be grateful that our adoption is still continuing at all after the whole bankruptcy thing.
When we started this crazy ride i had no idea how many twists and turns we would take. Not sure how many more I can handle. I am really hoping that this new change will turn out to be a good one and nothing will be interrupted and all will continue to move along as planned. Please let it be so.

the upswing

yep - its true. I feel like i am on the 'upswing'. We have seen some movement again with a few referrals. Congrats to Tammy and Sid and big sister Josina!! Its great to see our name climbing higher to the top of the list!

We met with our AP this week to sign off on our Home study update. Now all we are waiting on is our HIV tests. They should be in by this week and then this paper scramble will be done...for now. I know its never really ever done...

It was great to have dinner this week with a friend who has just returned from court. What a great time we had looking at pictures of her son and imaging what it will be like for us to take that trip! What a treasure to learn from others who have experienced what we will experience! It was very reassuring to me- yes we can do this- yes we can see our baby and then get on a plane and come home. She told me it was easier leaving knowing how well they were being taken care of and the very apparent love they staff have for the kids. Those things make it easier but its still so very hard. All of a sudden it was 10:30 - time flies when you have so much in common!

It's starting to feel like we could get our referral 'any time'. My friend reminded me that they were at #15 when they got theirs and so you just never know. This is a new kind of crazy that we are entering. Can it really be happening after all this time? Hard to believe. Could this really be 'the year'? Hard to believe. Is there actually going to be a kid in that dusty crib we have had for sooo long? Its hard to believe - but we do believe and its getting exciting again. It's that sick to your stomach kind of exciting... Mike's dream really is becoming real to me and so i believe...

Confession Tuesday?

I see from my blogging friends that confession is good for the soul. Since i actually feel like posting, I am sure you won't mind that i am confessing on a Tuesday and not on Friday :) Here goes:

I confess (0n a Tuesday) that:

*we didn't go to the 'adoption people' get together in Cambridge. In fact we haven't gone to one yet. I want to meet you folks and yet i just find it too hard until we have our kid to take with us. I know lots of people are encouraged when they go, but i think we will wait. We did however attend the screening of "Operation Babylift". This was a movie about orphans that were airlifted from Vietnam at the end of the war and then adopted to American and Canadian families.

*i confess that both Mike and I cried at different times during the movie -sorry Mike but you are confessing here too :) Not only did the film chronicle the lives of adoptees but also an adoptee and his wife as they adopted from Vietnam. It is a very powerful film and i could definitely relate to their journey.

*i confess that it surprised me to see Mike's post about his dream. I loved that! He rarely remembers his dreams - me, i have crazy dreams all the time and we should be so lucky that none of them 'come true'. I am counting on his dream coming true. He is convinced that we are getting a girl...

*i confess the 'hard stuff' is still hard but i am learning (again and again and again) that all i can do is pray.

*i confess that for a while i didn't believe that praying made a difference. I questioned...a lot. Now i know that my faith has been stretched and strengthened. I am learning that when all i can do is pray - that it's enough.

*i confess that the paper work is almost done. For some reason it has seemed hard to get it together. Could be that i was just plan mad that we had to re-do it in the first place.

*i confess that i was jealous when Kendra posted that it was easy to get her update done...

*i confess that as soon (literally seconds) as our AP walked out of our house at our last home visit, i found the biggest dust bunny known to man.

*i confess that this year at work i was able to carry over 2 weeks of vacation. i figured it would be good to have extra for when we travel. But, man could i use a holiday!!!

*i confess that L getting a referral was the second highlight of last week!

*the first highlight was my friend A calling to say they have 'a match'!!! So exciting. Can't wait to hear more and to meet your little man!!!!!

*i confess that the highlight of this week was seeing the photos of B&A and sweet baby A!!!! that made my heart happy - congrats guys

Do dreams come true?

We are still alive! We have not been totally buried by the latest batch of paperwork, but sometimes it seems that way! I (Mike) tried to sleep in today, but I had the most incredible dream and couldn't get back to sleep. It's my first "daddy dream", and I needed to share it with someone! (Brenda is still sleeping, and I know better than to wake her up!). So here's how the dream unfolded: We were at some sort of family function, not sure who's family, I didn't really recognize anyone. We were in a room with a bed, TV, and some of our stuff, maybe we were staying over? Brenda was reading a book and playing with a cute little African girl, who looked to be about 2yrs. old. She was perfect, big beautiful eyes, winning smile, and crazy curly hair (of which I am jealous!). Then she came over to where I was sitting in a rocking chair watching a movie or something on the TV. She climbed up into my lap, and settled in all warm and cuddly while I rocked back and forth. She turned to me after a while and said "faster!", that's when I knew she was our child (only on of my kids would not be satisfied with rocking slowly!). Later we were down the hallway, and everyone was getting food from the kitchen. Wouldn't you know, our little girl had gotten grandma to get her some ice cream! She was then leading grandma down the hall to a quieter room to "hide-out" while they spoiled their dinner! So, that was it, at that point I woke up and haven't been able to get that dream out of my head. I sure hope this one comes true!