Monthly update

It's about time for an update. Looks like i am lucky to get one post done a month. Usually on a day to day basis i feel like i have nothing to say - but then when i finally find the time to post, its a long one!!!! So, hold on your your seats, we got some catching up to do.

On the adoption front - we are still updating our homestudy. We have just about everything together and will soon need to meet with our AP (adoption practitioner) so that she can take another look at our house and decide if anything has changed with us in the last 2 years. Actually lots has changed. A few minor things like Mike getting a new job and some reno's on our house. But i think i have changed in the last 2 years. Some of it isn't so great - like not so quick to trust and being a bit more pessimistic in regards to this adoption business- all courtesy of a certain bankruptcy. But on the flip side i think i have healed also in the last 2 years. i am in a good place right now. Babies are being born around me and I am good with it. Friends and loved ones are all very considerate and compassionate when 'breaking' their good and happy news with me and I really appreciate that. I believe I am in a much better place now than I was 2 years ago. 2 years ago i might/would have started down the 'why them and not us' road. I can honestly say that i am happy for my friends and loved ones - yippee for you! I still hate the fact that we have to re-do this paper work. grrrr and when i see teenage 'children' parenting babies that boils my blood. We have also found out recently that we need to re-evaluate our age request. They can no longer promise that infants will become available. There is a lot more time consuming paperwork needed which causes those babies to age quite a bit before they are able to be referred. This has taken some time to become used to but I am learning to roll with the punches a bit more. We have no choice. Am i sad that i will miss those early baby months?? Of coarse, but I am getting used to the idea and i have seen the trends changing for a while and so you just go with it. mostly i am good. :)

Reno's - We have another room pretty much finished!!!! Our spare room has had some drywall finished, painting done (nice mauve colour - pics to follow!) All that is left is painting of the floor and some trim and its done. Of coarse in my head I am on to the next 2 projects :) and am waiting for Mike to catch up with my ideas!! Next is our bedroom. I have picked a great colour called 'black pepper'. Can't wait. and it fits with our food themed paint colours so it is 'meant to be'!!!

Wedding!!!! What an amazing weekend!!!! We had just a wonderful time celebrating my friends D&T! It was a beautiful setting and just a wonderful time. Pics below. Congrats to my wonderful friends!!!!

Fall - Fall has hit Ontario big time. The cool weather, the rain!! Seems like the hot, hot humid summer just stopped over night and boom - sweater time. We have enjoyed lots of fall activities like our local fair, the Apple Butter and Cheese Festival and much more. We also have enjoyed taking my nephew to University to see his campus and dorm. Very cool. How did i become old enough to have a nephew in University??? I am sure when we were visiting we were labeled in the 'parent' category. Well, I can say we are extremely proud of him and glad he is having a blast.

Dentist - yes you heard right. Today i made an appointment to see a dentist. This might not seem like a big deal to most. But, i have a huge fear of all things dental and so have avoided such things for an extremely embarrassingly long time. Today, out of nowhere i got the courage to call. My hands were sweating and my stomach was churning. I made the appointment. This is not joke people, its very real. i HATE it and it totally freaks me out. Ask me in 2 weeks how it went and say a little (or big )prayer for me on October 14th.

Anyhoo -that must be about all for now. Sorry for not being around lately. I still lurk on all your blogs when I am silent and learn and mourn and cry and rejoice with and pray for all of you when I am silent. Thanks for your patience.

And now for pics of the wedding. Enjoy!!!

Summertime, holidays and paper work

By now its the middle of August. I can not believe where the summer has gone. I love summer. I dream of it all year long. Remind me next February when i am dreaming of summer - that summer was really crazy hot and humid this year!! Last year we complained about our cool and rainy summer and this year we complain about our hot and muggy summer. Guess you just can't win. Last night i asked Mike to turn the fan off cause i was feeling cool, He checked and our house was still at 27. Hmmm guess i am getting acclimatized. Anyhoo, i didn't intend this post to be a weather complaint. I have much more important things to complain about. Before we get to that here are some shots from our week of camping at the end of July. We had a great time!!!!!!! It was hot - but we already covered that. The beach there was nice and the water was warm!!!! Our camera is broken : ( and so we only have a few shots from our holiday. The first is of our new second home. Lovingly referred to as our new 'condo'. Now some may and do mock at such a tent for just 2 people - somehow i managed to fill it up and use all the space with no problems. What i love the most is that i can stand fully upright and therefore my back is grateful.

This 'little' guy was our welcoming committee. We had been in our site for about 10 minutes before he swooped in. His wing span was about 3 feet or so. He sat in the tree for quite a while and finally turned his head all the way around to look at me when i talked to it. i was kind of relieved when it left again - it sort of freaked me out!!!

So, Holidays were good. Of coarse they are never long enough. But after a total of 8 nights in the tent i was happy to come home again.

D&T's wedding is coming up fast and furious. There have been showers and dress fittings and bachelorette weekends and all the fun stuff that comes along with it. Can't wait to show some pics of the big day!!

I also happen to be on holiday this week. Just me this time, Mike is working on the farm now and so holidays are in short supply during summer. So, i am amusing myself here at home. Doing the stuff i never seem to get around to doing and also just taking it easy in general. I have been trying to choose paint colours. Our spare bedroom is now ready for paint. I think i have the colour for that one down - a grey/purple colour. But it's our master bedroom that has me stumped. The bedspread has quite a few colours in it from a silvery blue to mauve's. Hmm. I am really not sure where to go with this one, so I am taking the whole king size comforter to the paint store later this afternoon for some help and guidance. With all the errands i have on my list, I am sure the week will fly by.

The biggest errand on my list is updating our paper work. ugh. I hated doing this paper work the first time - 2 years ago and i realize that i still hate it now. We got an email in July (while on first holiday) telling us it was time to get working on it...and here we are with nothing done. Now, the email does say that there is always a chance that we could get a referral before our stuff expires in October. But i think its safe to say that this is not going to happen. We are still about 42ish on 'the list' and October is not that far off. In fact, the way things are going our file will probably expire before i get everything updated. Wouldn't it just be my luck to be the one causing the delay. So, its on to the second round of fingerprints, police checks, physicals, and a new homestudy update.

So, that's what we've been up to. We are still alive. I see the ticker now says 1 year, 10 months and 3 days - are we almost there? Are we getting close?? Some days i wonder if that ticker will be ticking for the rest of my life. Hopefully we will hear some referral news soon and maybe my next post will be so say the paper work is done.

6 times a bridesmaid...

What a walk down memory lane. It was kind of fun to first of all search all those old photo albums (remember photo albums - we used to actually print photos, put them in books and then look at them??) Lots of memories tied up in these photos! Happy to say that all of these couples are still together in a day and age where that isn't' necessarily the case. I know that they all love me and so, if i get some dates wrong they will forgive this old brain of mine.

We start our fashion show in the early 90's. 1990 to be exact. This happy couple is my sister Sheri and hubby Larry. May of 1990 - they just celebrated their 20th anniversary with a cruise. You will find me, with my wonderful hairstyle, standing beside the groom. Note the POOFY sleeves - very stylish in the day - and the white nylons and shoes.

The very next year - May 1991 was my cousin Lyndon and his bride Kerrie's turn. Floral was really in! This is the one bridesmaid dress i actually wore quite a bit after the wedding.

August 1992 was Tim and Deb's turn - although I see I don't have a pic of Tim. He was there, I promise. This time it was pretty in pink. The bride designed these dresses herself along with her own gown. I was living in SK at the time and my dress was made in less than a week!

Dress #4 comes courtesy of Chris and Lorie. I actually had long hair then and so had a funky, twisty updo. This one is August 1999. Got to wear this one twice as we also attended a reception in Calgary - home town to Chris and the place they now reside.

Number 5 is cousin Wendy and beau Mika. I actually had a hand in setting these two up :) Good times. This one is August 2002.

And last but not least #6 is my brother Brad and bride Val. This on was October 2003. This one was a skirt and top and we all got to choose our own style. Very kind of the bride :)

Stay tuned for dress #7. I am working on getting better tan lines - the pressure of a strapless dress at the end of the summer is huge!!!! This will be my first 'beach' wedding and it will be a blast.

one year ago...

Hard to believe its been a year since the bankruptcy. I was at work when i got a flurry of emails. I thought maybe it was a rumour or who knew what. Then i got a phone call. I was in shock. I was numb. All i could think of was that we would never be parents, our money was gone. I came home and woke up Mike who was still working nights at that point. He called our AP - i was too shaky. She didn't know anything. He called our lawyer to see what we could do. Our lawyer happens to be a partner with Ted G and so he was able to confirm that what we heard was true. How could the sky be blue and the sun be shining when our world was falling apart. Here is what i wrote:

yesterday our world fell apart. Our dreams and our hearts have been crushed. we are numb. We found out that our agency - Imagine Adoption has gone bankrupt. This pretty much means the end of our adoption. We choose this agency and this route because we felt it was our best chance of having a family - ever. The thought of getting into another line some where else is just so insane right now. Some say there may be hope for our file and another agency picking us up as clients but i doubt they will do it for free and we are at our limit. we are grieving the loss of our child and the hope that we once had.We are thankful for our friends and families. for the calls and emails and facebooks and cookies. we haven't responded much - we will in time. we just need time to process. if you want to know details - check out the imagine website - globe and mail - CTV - any news site - its everywhere. We are also thankful for your prayers - cause right now we don't have the words to say so we are counting on you to lift us up. we know we are not the only ones - there are so many just like us. we have all suffered so much already and this just seems to be so surreal.

Friends and family came over and offered support and prayers. I felt so lost. In the months to come we realized that the agency could be saved. I had no idea. And here we are, one year later - with referrals happening and kids home from the new agency.

Lately I have been about as low as the time of the bankruptcy. This experience has changed me. I am not as trusting as i used to be. I don't get quite as excited about referrals - ours just seems so far away. But just yesterday i was reminded that what i have been through is nothing compared to wondering where your next meal will come from or the knowledge that you can not afford to raise your own child. Its been a time to refocus. Yes, i have been hurt by this whole ordeal but my 'suffering/pain' is nothing compared to what our child or our child's birth mom has/will go through. So, maybe i have learned some perspective.

Some of the people affected by the bankruptcy now have their children home. Congrats to you. May you savor each moment with your new families. Some are still in the process like us - keep on keeping on. I do believe. Some had to drop out of the program and have taken different steps to grow their family. Some had to drop out of the program and their dream of family has been ended. I am so sorry, I have no words but i know your pain.

This is not an anniversary I want to keep or to 'celebrate'. But it is good to look back and see where we have come from in the past year and to be thankful for that. I do believe in miracles.

Happy Father's Day

To Mike: You are going to be the best dad! In my mind I can see you with our children. I can see you teaching them, playing with them, caring for them and it makes me smile. I am know how well you look after me and i know you will do the same for our kids some day. Happy Father's Day.

To the 'other' Men in my life :) My dad - when i was finding someone to spend my life with, all i had to do was to look to you and mom and try to find what you have. You have always been there for me - no matter what kind of crazy thing i was up to. You have supported me in everything and taught me so much. And, we have a lot of fun!! You have the Cober cheating gene - we are always watching - don't worry. To my Father in Law - i don't feel like i have had enough time getting to know you before you left for Africa. I want to thank you for welcoming me into the family and accepting me for who i am. I also want to thank you for raising this man to be who he is. That doesn't happen by accident.

I also have a whole bunch of uncles and cousins - and even a 'time-share-Dad' - men who have influenced my life and been part of my 'circle'. It sure does take a village! I am glad that you will be part of our children's lives as well.

So, Happy Father's Day to all the men out there. May you all know how much you are appreciated and loved.

the latest and some 'after pics'

no, i haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Just about but not quite. Its quite possible that no one is reading this anyway...but here i am back again.

Actually -that was half my problem - the old sciatic reared its ugly head again. ugh. i am feeling much better - but this time its been about 3 weeks of crap and limping along. I am still a bit sore but am feeling so much better.

It's June - well and almost July. We just passed our 20 month mark. 20 months of waiting...what to say???! We have had many family events lately - and i always have lots of questions about when this baby will be showing up. You know, ever since we started my answer has been - 'about another year or so'. This has been my answer and I don't see it changing any time soon.

So, what else have we been up to? Prior to the back going out -there was lots of gardening and some work on our famous 'reno of 2008'. This could have something to do with the back...but you gotta live your life! The long weekend in May we got down to work and FINISHED the baby room and the hall!!!! Can you believe it??! What a relief/accomplishment!!!!! It looks really great. My hubby gets all the props here - i just did a bit of painting and changing my mind -'i want it here - no, over here, no - back to the first place' :)

So, here are some pics to show you the finished project. Now, we still have one bedroom to complete - but we aren't talking about that right now :) I also have MANY ideas for the next 4 or so projects. I would really like to get 3 of these done before baby comes - and the way things are going that probably won't be a problem.

So, here are some "before's" to refresh your memory. We didn't have a digital camera when we moved in, so don't have many shots of these spaces and really, those are memories best forgotten!!

Here is baby's room in its purple glory.

Imagine crusty matching purple carpet, no insulation and questionable wiring.

Same room - striped down to the studs and new drywall going up!

Our hall.
Bigger than my first apartment!

Features 6 doors plus a closet!

Picture ucky, icky painted over panelling and about a

gazillion years of grimy dirt that stuck to the flat paint - ugh.

Tada!!!

The baby's room

Furniture placement still pending. We will decorate once we find out who will be living here. Probably some pink for a girl (surprise) or some denim and blues for a boy.

A brand new room, complete with new windows, wiring, insulation, closets with organizers and new paint on the floor.

"The" Hall!!!

Complete with the first pair of curtains in the whole house, new light fixtures, linen closet and straight walls. Flooring to come...

Wow - what a change! It feels so good to see some progress being made on our house. I will be so happy when each room has a new look! This of coarse will take many more years - but i knew that when we moved in. We have a 30 year plan!!

Fair Trade Day

In all my business I totally missed Fair Trade Day. It was May 8th. Well, better late than never.
I work at Ten Thousand Villages. I have worked there for almost 10 years now. I love the mission of Fair Trade and the relationships we have made with folks all over the world. From the web site: Often referred to as 'Fair Trade,' our philosophy of helping to build a sustainable future is based on the principle that trade should have a conscience. Through Fair Trade artisans receive the respect, dignity and hope that comes from working hard and earning fair value for their work. Check out Villages at - www.tenthousandvillages.ca

Unfortunately we don't sell any crafts from Ethiopia. We do however sell Coffee from Ethiopia. It is produced by a Fair Trade company called Level Ground Trading. Their website is www.levelground.com. You can buy their coffee in our stores or online. Its great stuff.

I have found another Canadian Fair Trade website that does offer products from Ethiopia. They are called Nationwares and have some beautiful silk scarves and some other jewellery. Give them a look at: http://www.nationwares.com/hello.html

All three of these sites give all the info on Fair Trade that you could ever need - much better than I can. The coffee and chocolate we sell is AMAZING. I am so sold on the 'Divine' Chocolate - it has me so addicted :) We also have some pretty great jewellery - take a look. And kids books - "My Granny Went to Market" is highly recommended as well as lots of different Putumayo titles. Next time you are shopping for that perfect little something for your home, or someones birthday, or that gift for a teacher - or some great coffee beans - try Fair Trade.