the list

This has been an amazing week for the new Imagine! I counted 5 referrals (hope i am right) this week!! I was pretty excited about the first one, the second one seemed to be icing on the cake - but 5!!!! So very exciting.
The one thing that has really been motivating me lately is the unveiling of 'the list'. You see, we have never known how many families are ahead of us waiting for referrals. i had my own 'list' - colour coded, thank you very much - but it was purely speculation based on the limited info i was able to gain from our yahoo group. During the bankruptcy we realized that our list is not so accurate due to the fact that there are many more people out there than are on our yahoo group and so, how correct is my little list after all??
The new Imagine promised us a lookey at the list and it was been something i have been dieing to see. Where are we, how many people are ahead of us, how many want boys, how many want girls, etc etc. This week we found out we won't be seeing the list after all. I realize it can be a privacy nightmare and people can get their nose out of joint when referrals happen out of order. You see, referrals can happen out of order based on the criteria you have chosen about your child - age, gender, medical conditions etc. I understand why giving us the list could cause a ruckus. But i was really looking forward to the list - something i could analyze, speculate on and obsess :) on for a good long while. So, I am disappointed - no list. Instead they are going to tell us what number we are in line. This is a one time shot number and from here on in, I guess we speculate and do the math and make our own list and move ourselves closer to the top. Don't get me wrong. While i am disappointed about not seeing the whole list, I am pretty excited to see our number. I have a number in my head. Oh, i hope we are close to it. If we aren't i will be pretty disappointed.
So, this week we wait for the unveiling of the 'number'. Will it be 2 didget or 3?? Will i be on old age pension by the time we get our kid or still a young spring chicken? guess the point is that any amount of information on our adoption is a big deal - we get so little. Funny how one little (I hope) number is causing me so much anxiety. So, here's to numbers and finding out how many referrals are between us and our baby. Let's hope that its a short week and Friday gets here before we know it!!!!